yesterday, in the midst of flu and scoliosis, i acquired myself an undertime wishing i could sleep and have the much needed rest but the heat that penetrated even the remotest corner of my small world did not let me.
instead, the afternoon took me to certain places and moments captured and printed on rectangles and yes, tears that somehow are no longer always ready to fall anytime just kept falling.
no, not of sadness.
yes, there is loneliness but more of the profound feeling of acceptance of things that for a time now, i can no longer find the strength to fight against. even to fight for.
as i looked at each memory immortalized in each photograph, i realized more and more how i have grown accustomed to all that this feelings i have for a particular beautiful being bring about. and then i asked myself again, after being taught upon to rationalize and see it as a choice, what is there really to choose from?
to move away only to find myself searching the way back again and again?
and yes, how does one empty its heart to give way to something new that may happen? or may not?
what does one really choose between loving albeit hurting and living without love? is it not a trick question?
perhaps, some hearts settle for less than what they want than nothing at all.
or some sweet things bought on the store at dawn.
now you see now you don't. no, i haven't reached the winter of my discontent but sometimes the sea is not my friend.
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