to say that i am struggling right now to stand firm by what i have decided is a staggering understatement.it is almost like i am in purgatory wishing for either hell to come fast or heaven to rescue me right away.
it is indeed a very very difficult decision to kill a love. no, even that is an understatement, it feels almost like suicide.
not only because it is a very wonderful love, a beautiful one but also because it's the longest love i have held in my heart so far. it is the kind that i thought i would be keeping with me for the rest of my life. i honestly believed in that and i did intend to.
until life occured to me and i became human again. i can only take too much.
so i decided to kill it. no matter how hard it was, no matter how painful, no matter how it kills me every single day because killing it meant i grow less hopeful, faithful and romantic. it means i ceased being the poster boy love, on this side of the world and that is a bad thing.
but yes, i had to. for my own sanity. for my own life.
i don't want to eat my words in the future so i'd say, yes, i still am very much in love and i am not perfectly sure that i will not resurrect it again.
but i am trying my very best. i failed in the past but this time is another time. i might succeed. and be finally free as i burry this love, six feet under.
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